


The Fairytale Ends

by nerdypipsqueak



Series: Fictober 2019 [29]
Category: Lawrence of Arabia (1962)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Death, Families of Choice, Fictober 2019, Hospitals, M/M, Old Married Couple, unplugging life support
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-01
Updated: 2019-11-01
Packaged: 2021-01-16 03:57:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,686
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21264689
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nerdypipsqueak/pseuds/nerdypipsqueak
Summary: Fictober prompt: I’m doing this for you.Set in the "Princess and the Knight" universe but many, many years after the events of the main story.Just before their planned holiday Ali receives the most devastating news in his life. Later he is forced to make the hardest decision a person can make.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Italics in brackets are fragments of documents written by Ned.  
The poem Ali reads is a fragment of "Ornament of Honour" by Ernest Altounyan.  
Please forgive me if this is inaccurate from a medical and procedural point of view. The possible paralysis, sight loss, loss of speech and amnesia were all taken from an original prognosis made by the neurosurgeons who looked after Lawrence in the days before his death. My source was "The Last Days of T. E. Lawrence" by Paul Marriott.  
In the UK it is possible to create an advance decision. It's a legal document stating what the patient's wishes are in regards to long-term treatments and life support. In an advance decision you can state that you refuse specific treatments such as antibiotics or CPR.  
I still have 2 more stories to post as part of Fictober, sorry for the delay.

"What's this?" Ali picks up the yellow cardboard folder lying on the dinner table. It's got his name written on it in bold black letters.

"I went to the solicitor." Ned says, not quite answering the question.

"OK but what is it?"

"You keep getting worried about me going out on the motorcycle so I made some arrangements in case of... in case of an accident. And in case of other things too."

"Are you for real?!"

"Yes. Everything's there. What I want you to do if I become unable to decide for myself, what to do with I end up on life support, how I want my funeral."

"And you think that's going to give me peace of mind?!"

"Yes, actually I do. That's why I did it. For you." Ned looks hurt and Ali instantly feels guilty.

"Come here, princess." He puts the folder down and opens his arms. "I'm sorry."

"You should read it." Ned doesn't budge. "I'm doing it for you."

"I know and I'm really sorry for arguing. It's just... the thought of losing you scares me shitless."

"Language!" Ned pretends to be shocked. At least he's smiling now. 

He's so beautiful when he smiles. He doesn't look forty-five but then he's never looked his age. Sometimes, when they go out together, people mistake him for Ali's pleasure-boy. The first few times it happened Ned had gotten upset but the older he gets the happier he is to play with people's assumptions. 

"Come here." Ali repeats. "Please?"

Ned steps into his waiting arms, positively melting into them. "You really should read the paperwork."

"I'll do it later, princess."

But then there's things to do, such as dinner and tidying up, so the folder gets moved, first into the study, then into Ali's suitcase ("that way you won't forget where it is and it'll be handy if something happens while we're travelling" as Ned had put it) and he just never gets around to sitting down and actually reading its contents.

_Almost two years later_

Ali lifts his suitcase onto the bed and unzips it. He tosses the yellow folder to the side and begins piling clothes inside. Pack, call taxi, he thinks to himself, train at five past twelve, should be in Moreton before three...

Ned is already there, in Clouds Hill, their little summer house, getting it ready. It's going to be a lovely holiday, with only a little bit of work, an interview with some writer. But once that is done and dusted they'll have a whole two weeks to themselves. Two weeks of doing nothing of any importance whatsoever. Just eating, sleeping, going for walks, reading, cuddling, making love...

The phone starts ringing, blasting the Ride of the Valkyries as loud as its little speaker allows. Ned had set that ringtone up for Ali, he thought it would be funny if they had identical ringtones. It's more annoying than funny but somehow Ali keeps forgetting to change it.

"Yes?" Ali answers without looking at the caller ID. He wedges the phone between his shoulder and ear and carries on packing.

"Is this... Ali?" A woman asks. She doesn't even attempt to pronounce his last name.

"Yes. Who is this?"

"My name is Nicola, I'm a family liaison officer with Dorset Police. Are you Thomas Edward Lawrence's husband?" 

Time freezes. Earth stops spinning. Ali's entire world implodes.

"Hello? Hello? Are you still there?" The woman, Nicola, asks.

"Yes, yes, I'm still here and yes, I am his husband." Ali manages. He can feel his throat, chest and stomach tightening all at once. "Did something happen?"

"I'm afraid so. There's been an accident..."

"Oh my God! Is he...?"

"He's alive but he's sustained severe head injuries. He was taken to Wareham hospital, he's in the operating theatre at the moment."

"Oh God, oh God... Look, I'm still in London, I was supposed to catch up with him today. I'm leaving right away."

The train ride to Wareham is pure agony. It's the longest two hours and twenty two minutes in Ali's life. 

Ned had an accident, his Ned, his princess had an accident on that infernal midlife-crisis-mobil of his. He's injured, severe head injuries, as the family liaison lady had put it. That could mean anything really, anything from permanent disability to... No, Ali doesn't want to think about it, that's not an option. They've got plans, they've got an interview to attend. You can do interviews in a wheelchair, bloody hell, you can do interviews in a hospital bed if you're determined enough!

Ned's unbreakable, Ali thinks, Ned's unbeatable, Ned can only be killed with a golden bullet. But what if it's really, really bad? _Severe head injuries_.

Ali tries phoning Arnold and Barbara. Neither of them answer but Ali isn't surprised, they're on holiday in Mallorca with their little boy, mobile reception might not be the best. He can't phone Bob or Mrs Lawrence, they've never deemed him worthy of having their phone numbers and anyway they're away, bringing Jesus to the people of rural China, mobile reception there must be even worse than in Mallorca.

Ali texts Majid who promptly rings him back and keeps him occupied with idle chit-chat until the train arrives in Wareham.

Ned looks terribly, shockingly small, lying on the white hospital bed, unconscious, surrounded by tubes and monitors. Tubes with oxygen, fluids, medication, machines beeping, whooshing, tracking his blood pressure, heart rate, sats. 

"Princess, oh princess." Ali whispers, pressing kisses to the warm skin of Ned's hand, carefully avoiding the IV cannula. "I'm here, love, I'm here with you. I will look after you. Everything's going to be alright, I promise."

This is bad, Ali realises, this is really, really bad.

The family liaison officer, Nicola, shows up. She's very small and slender, not quite what Ali had expected. She brings him a cup of tea, (later Ali will learn that there's a little family room on the ward, complete with a kettle and tins of tea, coffee and sugar), which he promptly spills. She helps him clean up and then fetches another cup. She then asks him some questions, the usual ones about his whereabouts, the plans he and Ned had made, a few more questions about the motorcycle and Ned's style of driving. She asks about next of kin too and Ali provides what he can.

And then the doctor comes. He talks at length about the procedure he'd performed on Ned, using plenty of big, intimidating words in Latin, words that Ali struggles to understand simply because he has no medical training. 

"Will he be alright?" Ali quickly asks when the doctor at long last pauses to draw breath.

"Honestly? We don't know yet." The man says. "The injuries Mr Lawrence sustained are life-changing. You have to be prepared for some degree of paralysis, possible sight loss, loss of speech, memory loss. But we won't know for sure until he wakes up."

"Fair enough." Ali nods. He can handle-, no, _they_ can handle this.

The next three days are a nightmare. 

Bob phones from China only to yell at Nicola that Ned's accident is definitely Ali's fault and a punishment for their sinful lifestyle. She handles him brilliantly though, shutting him down in less than a minute with a simple "please don't waste my time if you have nothing helpful to say".

Arnold arrives on the second day, tanned and jetlagged, closely followed by an equally jetlagged Majid. Then Vyvyan comes, along with Janet, Claire and Nancy. They take turns watching over Ned, talking to him, reading out loud, playing music. They all fuss over Ali, making sure he eats and rests. 

On the third day Siegfried arrives. He tries to get Ali to go to Clouds Hill, have a rest, sleep in an actual bed. Ali thinks about the bed, a large, sturdy wooden thing with no headboard, positioned right beneath the window so they can put their things on the windowsill. He refuses, he doesn't want to sleep in that bed by himself.

On the fourth day an alarm goes off in one machine, then in another. And then there's chaos, doctors and nurses running in, herding Ali and Arnold out, calling for equipment, the shout of "clear!" followed by a brief zap-like sound. 

Later that day the doctor asks to speak to Ali and Arnold in private.

"Does Mr Lawrence have an advance decision?" He asks straight away.

"He told me a while ago he'd been to see his solicitor." Arnold says. "He said he'd made arrangements in case of a situation like this. Ali, you should have the paperwork."

At that precise moment Ali realises that Arnold is referring to the documents in the yellow folder, the documents he'd never had time to read.

"_I'm doing this for you_." Ned had told him.

Ali runs back to Ned's room, grabs the folder from his suitcase and starts flipping through the contents. Last will and testament, funeral plan, a sealed envelope with "Ali - open ONLY after my funeral" written on it, and at the very back of the file a paper entitled "advance decision". 

"This document is very specific." The doctor says once he's finished reading the document. "Mr Lawrence states here that in the event of a cardiac arrest he does not wish to be resuscitated. He also states that Mr Ali..."

"Yes, that would be me." Ali interrupts before the man can start butchering his name.

"Exactly. Mr Lawrence left all decisions regarding life support in your hands."

"You didn't know about this?!" Arnold turns towards Ali, eyes wide with shock. "I thought an advance decision had to be signed by a witness."

"It is." Says the doctor. "It is signed by Mr T. E. Lawrence and a Mrs Janet Laurie-Hammersmith."

"Flippin' heck." Arnold mutters. "He knew I wouldn't sign it and you would fight him so he got Janet to do it. He knew she would keep it a secret if he asked."

"Gentlemen, it doesn't matter who signed the paperwork. The document is legally binding. Right now we have an issue that needs resolving. Mr Lawrence experienced a cardiac arrest today and because we didn't know about his advance decision we brought him back. We won't be able to do this a second time. He has been stabilised but, and I am very sorry to say this, I don't think he will wake up. Of course we can keep him on life support until the next cardiac arrest happens but you need to ask yourself, is this what your husband and brother would want?"

"Do I... do I need to make the decision right away?" Ali forces himself to speak. His throat is constricting, his world collapsing all over again.

"No, not right away. You don't have to make the decision today or even tomorrow. But when you do make it we will be here for you and we will do everything in our power to make the process as dignified as possible."

Ali nods numbly.

Ned doesn't have another cardiac arrest but on day five his breathing gets worse. Despite all the machines and medication he seems to be in pain and that kills Ali inside.   
He thinks about what the doctor said. Would Ned want this? If he could speak and decide for himself would he ask to be bedbound, with a drip in his hand and a pipe down his throat?

Ali makes the most heartbreaking decision in his life.

On day six, early in the morning, the doctor comes, accompanied by two nurses and a counsellor. 

The counsellor and Majid hold Ali's hands while the nurses disconnect the monitors one by one, remove the IV and cannula and finally pull out the breathing tube.

Ned makes a gasping, rattling noise and carries on breathing.

Majid takes Ned's now IV-less hand in his, squeezes it firmly and thanks him for being such a good husband to his best friend.

Vyvyan apologizes for how inconsiderate he'd been during their relationship.

Nancy and Siegfried talk about the good times and the magic that was Ned's friendship.

Claire strokes Ned's hand and forearm, all the while talking about how he used to spoil her dogs.

Janet says only one thing: "You were my best friend".

Arnold apologizes for not being the best brother in the world (Ali begs to differ, he thinks Arnold's an amazing brother).

"Princess." Ali sits on the bed. He takes Ned's hand in his and kisses it softly. "My princess, my Ned. I'm here, darling, right beside you. You know I wasn't happy when you told me about the arrangements you'd made but now I understand why you did it. You didn't want me to suffer, to end up in a situation where it might be my word against your mother's or Bob's. You yourself didn't want to suffer, to be a prisoner in you own body and I don't want that for you either. So I'm following your instructions, I'm doing this for you. I love you so much, darling, so so much. I've never loved anyone the way I love you. And I don't want you to suffer, I don't want you to be in pain. All I've ever wanted was for you to be happy and comfortable. I hope I was a good husband to you, I swear to God, you were the best husband in the world, even when you kept leaving dirty cups all over the place. My princess, my sweet, sweet princess, the seventeen years we had together, as coworkers, partners, lovers, as a married couple, those were the best years of my life."

Ned lets out a rattling breath.

"My darling." Ali showers Ned's face with feather-light kisses. "I love you so much, princess. It's time to go now, love, it's time for you to rest. You've been to Hell and back, the things you survived were enough to kill a man but you endured, you survived and carried on, the bravest, strongest man I ever knew. It's time to sleep, my darling, it's time to rest. I love you and we will be together once again, princess, I promise you this. Now go darling, I love you."

Ned sighs.

Everything stops.

All of a sudden the room feels very empty.

In the distance a falcon cries out.

"I love you I love you I love you." Ali sobs into the crook of Ned's neck.


	2. Chapter 2

Clouds Hill is horrifically, unnaturally quiet.

Ned's TARDIS mug is still on the coffee table in the upstairs room, half-full of cold, cloudy tea. There's a plate beside it with a small pile of orange peel on it and a sealed box of falafel salad. It feels extremely _normal_, like Ned's about to walk in and apologize for making a mess.

Ali leaves the mug and salad on the table, in case Ned _does_ come back. He doesn't even move the orange peel. He can't. 

The hospital released Ned's personal effects in a paper bag. Ali sets the bag down on the sofa and starts emptying it. Wallet, phone, now smashed beyond repair, house keys, wedding ring.

Acting on some strange impulse Ali slips the ring onto his finger, pushing it down all the way until it hits his own ring with a clink. It feels strange, one is warm, the other cold...

Ned is gone.

Ned died.

There will be no interview. No apology for the dirty dishes and abandoned mug. There will be no more abandoned mugs. 

There will be no holiday. No lazy mornings, no slow, sensual lovemaking whenever and wherever they feel like it, no cuddles, no walks, no arguments over whose turn it is to do the grocery run, no reading the paper out loud over breakfast.

Ali howls his pain into Majid's patient shoulder.

Ned looks like he's sleeping. Except he's lying in a coffin, dressed in his wedding robe _(I want to be dressed in my wedding robe, including the riding boots. The robe is in a Waterstones tote in the wardrobe at Clouds Hill, there's a piece of paper with step by step instructions attached to it. The boots are also in that wardrobe. Ali, please make sure_ _to remove my wedding ring and replace it with my engagement ring_), hands crossed on his chest, like an Egyptian mummy.

Ali strokes Ned's hair gently, careful not to mess it up. The undertakers did a brilliant job of hiding his injuries, he looks perfect.

Ali bends down and kisses Ned's cold lips, forgetting about things like embalming fluid and decay, instead hoping that somehow the kiss can break the curse. But nothing happens, Ned remains peaceful and still. And then it's time to seal the coffin, it's time to go.

_(I want my coffin to be brought in to Allegri's Miserere. I do not want any hymns. I don't want the speeches to be miserable, you're allowed to make jokes. In fact I insist that you make jokes and speak like it's our wedding again. There's a poem I would like you to read at the funeral, I've enclosed the full text at the end of the funeral plan.)_

"Thank you all for coming." Ali scans the crowd crammed into the little stone church, trying to make eye contact with at least the people in the front row. "I have a confession to make. When I first met Ned I thought he was stubborn, infuriating, overconfident. But I also found him attractive, irresistible, in fact I thought he was the most beautiful man in the world. Then with time I realised that Ned wasn't overconfident, he was just sure of himself, his knowledge and his expertise as an archaeologist. He was passionate about everything he did, be it digs, writing, teaching, handling antiquities, campaigning. He was a brilliantly intelligent, kind-hearted, compassionate and selfless man. He was incredibly strong and brave too. I always admired that in him, that and his integrity. Ned would not stand for something he didn't agree with and he'd make sure you knew about it. But when he believed in something... Ned believed in protecting art, historic artefacts, heritage, preserving it, exhibiting it to the public. For this belief he endured pain and torture that no one should have to endure. I almost lost him. It took us nearly two years to find each other again and when we did we knew straight away... The day I married Ned was the happiest day of my life. Many of you were there to witness and share our happiness. Now you are here to celebrate Ned's life and I can never thank you enough for your presence. It brings me great peace and comfort to know that Ned was loved by so many. So thank you for being here. And Ned, thank you for the wonderful seventeen years we shared, thank you for being my husband, my life, my everything. I love you, princess."

Then Arnold makes a short speech about brotherly love.

Janet speaks about friendship. She talks about their student years, about the time when Ned climbed onto the roof of one of the colleges, the time he broke into the deer park at Magdalen College and kidnapped one of its four-legged inhabitants.

Ali returns to the pulpit and reads the poem chosen by Ned:

_Love me a little while._   
_Yes, I've loved you._   
_How easy 'tis to say it now_   
_That you_   
_Will never see or feel or say a thing_   
_That's true_   
_For me who say and feel._

_Love me a little while,_   
_I like it best_   
_When you do smile at me_   
_Spirit-caressed_   
_And I do look at you _   
_Twin-blest._

_Love me a little while_   
_I've long to live._   
_Not in forgetfulness_   
_Would I seek rest,_   
_Nor in the memory_   
_Of what's been best_   
_In your companionship._   
_No, no, I'd only slip_   
_Into your room again _   
_When I'm sore pressed._

Then there is a reading from the Bible and another one from the Koran but Ali's not listening. He's so numb and exhausted he can't even cry. When it's time to go to the graveyard Majid has to help him stand up. And when the coffin is lowered into the ground the tears finally come.

Carefully, with trembling hands Ali rips the envelope open. There's a CD inside, not quite what he expected but Ned had always been... unorthodox.  
"Play me" says the writing on the CD so Ali turns Ned's laptop on and pops the disc inside.

"My gallant knight!" Ned appears on the screen. He's sitting in his favourite armchair, wrapped in that light blue dressing gown that Ali likes so much.

"Hi, princess." Ali says a little foolishly, the laptop can't respond but he just needs to do it.

"If you're watching this I'm dead. And for that I am so sorry. I never wanted to die first, to put you through such pain. I know I wasn't the best husband, I was stubborn, messy, disorganized."

"Oh princess!" Ali protests. "You were the best!"

"You on the other hand. You were fantastic, you were everything I could ever have wanted. You looked after me, protected me, put up with my nonsense. We argued, of course we did but you never disrespected or hurt me. You loved me even after what that man in Daraa did to me."

"I always loved you, I never stopped. I still do!" Ali sobs.

"I'm seeing the solicitor soon, I'm going to get an advance decision and I'm going to name you as the only person who can make decisions regarding my health and life if I become unable to do so myself. I don't want Mother, Bob or even Arnie to be able to do that. I'm doing this for you, I don't want you to get stuck in the middle of their stupid feuds. I love you, Ali, I love you so much. I'm so grateful for the time we had together. Farewell, my gallant knight, I will always be with you. I love you."

Ali smiles tearfully. "I love you, princess."


End file.
